SPIRIT QUEST JOURNALING 9.15.22

OR PERHAPS THE BETTER TITLE IS:

An introduction to SPIRIT QUEST JOURNALING

IT HAS BEEN SAID THAT JOURNALING IS THERAPEUTIC. MY REASONS FOR THIS ONE ARE MOSTLY BECAUSE I WISH I HAD BEEN KEEPING ONE FOR 20 YEARS WITH EMPHASIS ON THESE PAST 5. IF I HAD KNOWN WHAT A UNIQUE TIME IN HISTORY NOW WOULD TURN OUT TO BE I WOULD HAVE.

THIS MORNING WHILE I WAS KICKING MYSELF FOR NOT DOING THAT, I HEARD “START NOW” SO… HERE I AM!

If you are here, I will assume that if you were looking for tips on how to spirit quest journal you would have gone to a site that proclaims expertise in the field of self-help journaling, at least that is my hope because this ain’t that.

This is an awakening soul, sharing her story about being on this earth at this amazingly exciting time in humanity’s history. Waking up most mornings barely holding onto her ass. With hope in her heart that what she believes with her whole being is truly the case….

That every single one of us is exactly who when and where we are supposed to be on this epoch journey, that some are calling the great awakening.

No judgments no wrong answers what is true for me is the truth for me in and at this very moment. That this is Divine timing. Sanctioned by God himself.

It’s hard for me to write daily pages here without including my whole background story, please allow a condensed version that might at least explain the alternative title. THE TRANSMUTATION OF A BIPOLAR SCAPEGOAT.

My blood relatives are an amazing group of human beings that I am proud and honored to claim kinship with, not all but many of them are truly saints doing their life work. Major contributors to society as a whole. By trying to emulate them, I single-handedly managed to create my life’s meanest scar tissue.

Surprisingly more so than the side that was less than saintly, prone to violence with psychotic episodes. Those scars were a lot less subtle and easier to identify.

For me, I felt zero sense of inner peace, personal presence of God, or belonging in this world until I walked away completely and all at once. One day I will write my whole story but that is not now. 😉

We are all just humans here because we signed up to be; to take part in this epic story unfolding in front of us today. First and foremost I had to get rid of the idea that I was duty bound to fulfill some ridiculous preconceived socially outlined description of how a member of my family should act.

I am a member when I like it and when I do not.

That fact is based on the circumstances of my birth. Not my actions. Or anything else within my control. Everything I strove for to make them happy about my membership is squarely on me and my perception of what they wanted from me as a member. In the spirit of healing, finding clarity in my perception became essential. This is what I found while searching for that clarity.

It is impossible to shine your light and be truly yourself, an authentic child of God through the lens of how you think other people see you. It Is Impossible.

Validation of who you are will not, can not come from outside of you.

Watering down your personal truths, and forfeiting your authenticity is always a sign of getting further from God and his purpose for us! It is our INDIVIDUAL responsibility to NEVER dim down our light to make other people more comfortable. I believe it is the cause of at least 50% of so-called mental illnesses in this world.

Trying to be something other than what we are, is the very definition of insanity, And an insult to our creator. I also believe that participating in this behavior is the way evil gets in through the front door!

All too often it paves the way to escapism in the form of, self-defeating, self-destructive, self-fulfilling, and addictive cycles of torment.

The system was designed that way. Yes on purpose. No, it’s not a theory.

“More on that later” 😉

My role in this wonderful family was the Bipolar scapegoat. At least in my mind’s eye.

For a time I assumed this was simply the truth about me.

All I wanted in the world was to be a “normal” productive member of my family. If I could only accomplish that, everyone would finally be happy. But because I had failed so miserably hundreds of times to become that. I must be crazy, there had to be something terribly wrong with me. How easily it came to the other members without even the slightest bit of drama. Enter stage left the “mental health” industry! (that nightmare will have its own story later) 😉

I ALREADY SAID THIS BUT WORTH SAYING IT AGAIN

It is impossible to shine your light and be truly yourself, an authentic child of God through the lens of how you think other people see you. It is Impossible.

God has to come first. PERIOD.

Some of you might say “ok I can relate to some of what you are saying. But what if I do not believe in god what do you mean by he has to come first what does that look like for someone who doesn’t believe.

I’m glad you asked. 😉 and that is the beauty of how this all works! The instant you become willing (unfortunately it’s usually due to pain and suffering) to look inward, deep into the very center of what YOU want to be, have, and or do in YOUR life,

the light;

that is your birthright authenticity,

begins to shine automatically.

READ THAT AGAIN

begins to shine automatically.

It really really is that simple. Become willing. Hell, I’ll go one simpler. Start out with baby steps and become willing to become willing. (yes that is really a thing) It is literal. Think “I want to become willing” and want that with all of your heart.

The more you are brutally honest with yourself about your truth and are willing to face those truths without the lens of how YOU think other people see them, the brighter that light will shine. I feel like a warning label should go HERE.

Finding the personal space and the courage to accept without retreating the truths that you find there can be some pretty isolating, scary shit. Most souls at this point on the path after facing theirs so fiercely absolutely can not and will not muzzle it anymore for anyone or any reason. It is inhumane and an absolute disservice to everyone involved to pretend merely for social acceptance. Frankly, if it is required by someone or someplace Those people and places are not for you, at least for the time being. So for those of us that have been muzzling up and dumbing it down 10,000 fold for YEARS just to be welcome at Thanksgiving dinner, it seems extra scary.

The fact is we have always been and will always be the lucky ones because we were unsuccessful at fitting in no matter how hard we tried. So what do you have to lose unleash that shit!

THIS IS THE REALLY GOOD PART. TRULY DIVINE DESIGN. ARE YOU READY?

REACHING FOR YOUR HEARTS DESIRE AND YOUR WILLINGNESS TO ACCEPT IT WITHOUT RETREATING IS YOUR INTRODUCTION TO GOD. THE SPARK THAT IS TRUE HEARTS DESIRE, IS THE DIVINE SPARK.

IF YOU ARE WILLING TO PUT WHAT YOUR HEART REALLY DESIRES FIRST ABOVE EVERYTHING ELSE. YOU ARE CHOOSING GOD. DO NOT TRY TO SEE GOD THROUGH OTHER PEOPLE’S PERCEPTIONS OF WHAT THAT LOOKS LIKE. BECOME WILLING AND YOU WILL GAIN AN “INNER-STANDING”.

When you shine the light of your truth, your authentic discernment further inward, The old belief systems, trauma patterns, cyclic karmic relationships, the boogymen in the shadows become less and less a part of what you are, until one day they are outside looking in. Sometimes the old stuff’s death throes look like the devil himself. With a new understanding or inner standing, you can look those shadows from the past dead in the eye, and with compassion and love change forever what those mean ass scars look like. With GOD or inner-standing, the truth becomes unconditional love for yourself and all those scary impossible things were a blessing in disguise.

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